 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
Downsizing
Betty wrote to us from Kentucky in the United States wanting to know how tackle the major task of downsizing...
Q
Hello. I just found your great website. Thought I would give it a shot to see if I can get help....
I am currently in a divorce situation. Eight months ago, I moved into a small apartment from a large house. I was sort of left here with too much furniture that is too large for space of the rooms, a lot of accessories etc. Lots of heavy things I cannot move and no one to help. Since then, I have lost control.
I do not know where to PUT ANYTHING because I don't have space/room. I am disabled physically but I am mobile. Just do not have any (ANY) energy anymore. I am seriously depressed and I know that the messiness and clutter is one of the many reasons.
I am too embarrassed to ask anyone to visit, and this alone, is getting to me. I do NOT want it, or myself, to get any worse....
I simply do not know what to do first. I cannot put it all at the DOOR...so what to do with what I do want to get rid of? is my greatest question I guess. Other than HOW to get the energy to tackle if I knew what to do with it? I stay confused...do not know where anything is unless I can SEE it. I forget I have it!?
I have never had quite this problem, and always had a husband to help me out. Now I do not have this nor anyone else. It is the clutter and my own emotional reaction to it, that I don't want to worsen. (not that I don't want to work on it myself ;)
I don't think I am a hoarder but I could be. I do think I am perfectionistic, and when things are awry, I get very down. Its like my surroundings reflect the state of my mind and vice versa. I know these are the dynamics of the problem or suppose this is so.
So when I cannot get things as I want them, I just can't seem to do anything. I feel paralyzed. This I am sure you understand. Perhaps you may have just some words of wisdom that might give me the motivation to begin solving my problem. The difficulty with having the no space for large funiture etc. is where I need help. I cannot get rid of it, is all I have and can't relocate. So I need to declutter or organize...what is around the furniture, in cabinets and such.
I so appreciate your reply and compassionate words.
My best to you (from Louisville, Kentucky. Home of the KY Derby and so much more. )
Betty
A
Dear Betty.
What a tough time for you to be going through.
I'm going to be very honest with you. I can give you all the words of support and help in the world, but I really think you need some hands-on assistance from a professional. I'll tell you how to find assistance, and then I'll tell you some ways that you can help yourself.
Depression is extremely common when dealing with clutter. It both causes and can be caused by clutter. A vicious cycle! When we are overwhelmed with stuff, we get depressed. When we're depressed, we are unable to mentally and physically deal with the stuff. Medication may be part of a solution for you, and it's worth considering. I would strongly recommend chatting with your doctor, maybe getting some counselling and definitely research your options in terms of finding a professional organiser.
I also understand about stuff getting you down. I get sad when burdened but too much crap! It's such a weight. And it all represents the past. There's nothing enriching about it.
NAPO, The National Association of Professional Organisers, are based in the U.S. You can search for an organiser in your area by using the following link. The United States is the home of organising - there are many, many organisers out there. Michelle Passoff www.freefromclutter.com wrote a great book that may also help. I met with her while in the US last year, and she is a dynamic, powerful and clever woman. She does travel, but I don't know your financial situation, so that may not be an option. Someone in KT may be better.
In choosing someone to assist, NAPO have some good tips and I have written what I think makes a good organiser. The best advice I can give you is to go with someone you feel comfortable. It's important you trust them and feel you can communicate well with them. You do not need an organiser who is with NAPO, so do not feel this is necessary. You will know the right person when you find them. Other than the hands-on, they will help you will STRATEGY - a plan.
There are many complex reasons we become clutter and disorganised, but the solutions are simple. The beauty of a good PO is they will quickly pinpoint these solutions and work on them with you. Help you understand, help you create change.
Do you have family? Children? Friends nearby? I hope you have support in this difficult time. Divorce, moving house and major life changes such as this are phenomenally stressful. You have done a really positive thing by seeking help. Keep your spirits up... visualise your new uncluttered life... affirm the good things you have each day.
The most simple thing you can do - as you continue your research for assistance - is to stocktake.
Make a list of all the major items of furniture in your life and other types of things you currently own eg, Dining table, bookcases, books, videos, etc. Write down everything you can see or think of. Make a second list of where you want to be in life and what that entails: maybe it's seeking part time work, becoming more creative, travelling more, having space at home to take a course of study etc. The items you hang onto need to reflect your new life.
Decluttering and downsizing means looking forward: you must consider only your future. Put simply, if you are holding onto dress patterns from 1975, they now have to go. The excess entertaining items (napkin rings, platters, bakeware) that you are no longer going to use in your role as a wife need to also be let go. These are easily hired if you need them in the future. You will feel cleansed and your load will be lightened. If you stopped writing letters but want to make that happen again, keep the notepaper. If music has been important and you want that to become important again, keep your vinyl records and record player. Who is the new Betty? How will she spend time in her new space? What's REALLY IMPORTANT TO HER? What is outmoded, no longer representative of her new life.....?
Next to your list of belongings, write down if the items are staying, or if they're going, where they could go and what you need to do to start that process. Remember that your stuff is not you, they are simply objects you own. It's healthy to let things go - particularly when they do not enrich your life. You have the freedom of choice to create a beautiful new life filled with all the treasures you love and need.
Continue with your a plan of action. What can you do today? What small things add up to big things? Perhaps it is filling a carton a day to take to charity. That's very acheivable - and very effective. Many charities collect - don't forget that! Enlist the help of a friend if you have trouble making decisions. Support is very important right now. And be aware that these things will take TIME. You haven taken years to collect these items... it will take time to undo.
Keep a small collection of memorabilia (I love memories!) but if you are hanging onto large items, ask yourself if that's practical. Everything you keep from here on in needs to be LOVED NEEDED or USED. No more "i might need it", "just in case" or "it was special.. once". You need to be firm. Consider a second hand dealer, e-bay, charity, friends or those in need to give your old belongings a new lease on life. Visualise how your belongings look elsewhere: a single mum needing good furniture; a student with a new lamp purchased at a thrift store to help him study... a young household setting up home in desperate need of pots and pans....
In your situation, you may want to consider storing some larger pieces of furniture, or, my personal favourite: agisting them - like you might a horse! It means providing a new home for some belongings, and while you rightfully own these things, they live - and are used, elsewhere. Eg, you might have a dresser surplus to your needs, perhaps a friend or family can look after it. Maybe you have an enormous lounge suite that once suited family life, but it's now just you. See if you can split it up, just keep the small sofa and one chair instead of seating for 8! You get the idea. I think the large pieces of furniture are your biggest issue. Make this your priority.
Then start putting your plan of action in place. Call the thrift store and arrange a collection.... remove the first bag of rubbish.... and get that Professional Organiser over to help! Keep chipping away and you will see results. It will take time, but I have faith that you can deal with this. You can do it!
Good luck - keep us posted!
Lissanne
Organiser Extraordinaire
